The Edge Goes Solo

DUBLIN - Anti-poverty activists were stunned today when U2's lead guitarist, The Edge, announced that he will be flying solo in activist efforts from this point forward.

"Today, I am happy to announce the launch of Campaign Deuce, or The Deuce for short," said The Edge at a noontime press conference. "The Deuce will call for the United States to give an additional 2% of their budget to eradicating poverty and its root causes. I mean, nothing against the Bono and 'Brangelina,' but a mere 1% reeks of 1990s incrementalism."

The reference to "1% for poverty" is a not-so-subtle shot at the One Campaign, founded by bandmate Bono and several nonprofits, the goal of which is to increase the United States foreign aid budget by 1%. One of the prominent symbols of the One Campaign and the Global Call to Action Against Poverty is a white rubber bracelet worn by concerned anti-poverty activists.
However, one white band just doesn't cut it for The Edge. "Activists need two white bands to make a real statement. At The Deuce's website, you'll find a permanent two-for-one special. In your face, One Campaign!"

Asked to comment on The Edge's announcement, Bono tried to take the high ground, but couldn't resist a few jabs. "The Edge has to do what's best for The Edge," said Bono. "I just hope Yoko Ono didn't have anything to do with this."